Ode To His Mitts

Just because I haven't written in a while, doesn't mean I have nothing to say. I have lots to say. Always. It's just that when I'm most inspired to blog, I'm laying in bed at three o'clock in the morning and my brain is fighting sleep. In fact I made up a poem last night about my boyfriends hands. He truly would of been flattered by my love poem, except I was on the verge of falling asleep and cant remember how it went. I do remember dreaming about baseball, though.      



not too much excitement going on here, not much to write about. My late night serenades to my dogs aren't as fascinating as one might think. I did, however, find out that one of my dogs is a big fan of 80's hair bands, so that's cool. And, I'm still risking my life daily on the battle fields of the Arizona streets and highways. What is it that Canada has against Arizona anyway? Why must they send down their suicide drivers every winter? On another note, I bought a plane ticket to Get The Hell Out Of Here, NC. I can't wait to go! I am beyond ready for some much needed beach relaxation, and to be spoiled by my mommy. Plus, I will be kidnapping my nephew (So if you hear the amber alerts, don't worry. I'm going to return him before I fly back home.)


Mindless Musings

  Take a look to the right of your computer screen. I chose that picture of me because not only do I look fabulous all dressed up with my tan lines showing, I also have a mimosa in my hand. When contemplating on whether or not to make a blog I had envisioned myself typing away Jack Kerouac style with a cigarette hanging out the side of my mouth, a bottle of booze in hand, mostly likely in my undies, and from there I was certain I had to give it a try. So many thing wrong with this idea. I'm not exactly a heavy drinker and do you know how hard it is to type while holding a bottle of booze?! I already peck away at the keyboard with my pointer fingers, try doing it with only one hand. And while I am a smoker, I do not like to smoke inside my house and I don't own a laptop. It's just too much of a pain in the ass to drag my desktop computer outside so I can smoke while typing. Though, I am certain I will eventually get to the point where I am blogging in my underwear, it's just too cold for that right now. At the moment, I'm about as bundled up as you can be, minus the hand gloves and ski mask.
  I did a little bit of researching this whole blog thing (ie: reading other peoples blogs, (being a creeper ...whatever you want a call it.) The majority that I came across were stay at home moms, people passionate about their art or craft, and good god fearing christian folk. I do not fullfill any of these requirements. I mostly just like to complain and need a way to vent without driving my close family and friends insane. So here I am. And there you have it.


Some advice to AZ drivers

I was born and raised in NY, and that is where I learned to drive. Us New York drivers can be aggressive, possibly even cut throat. And yes, I tend to follow the stop signs are optional after 9pm "rule." (I may have made that rule of the road up but as long as a cop is not around, it works.) But, I do have some helpful hints for you AZ drivers that are actually legal and not made up.

Speed: Every road has a speed limit sign posted on it. Follow that number. Our cars are no longer being pulled from place to place by horses, and there's this neat little thing on the floor of the drivers side called a gas pedal. It's pretty easy to use, just apply pressure to it with your right foot. You can easily use this method of driving, or you can stop being lazy and just walk places. Since you're driving at the speed of a Sunday stroll anyway, You'll probably get there in the same amount of time (and get some exercise!)

Blinkers: These are nifty because they let the driver behind you know when you are about to turn or merge into another lane. They also let a driver that's waiting to turn onto the main road from a side street know that they have the go ahead to pull onto that road. It is imperative that you use this blinker light wisely. Generally, You do not need to have the blinker on if you are not planning on turning off the road for another 5 more miles. And, I don't take kindly to you shaking your fist at me when I pull into the main road in front you because you have your blinker on but you actually had no intention of turning. I should be shaking my fist at you, old lady.

Another thing to remember is that here, in america, we drive on the right hand side of the road. Now, if you are driving at me head on, yes, I will pull off to the side of the road and let you pass but not all drivers will do this.


Mother has horrible diarrhea

"Well, I was done shopping but mother just called and she has horrible diarrhea..." Keep this in mind when you're shopping in your local discount department store, while having a conversation with someone on your blue tooth, ...We may not be able to hear what the other person is saying to You, but we hear EVERYTHING You are saying to that person. I don't know if Your momma wants her bidness all out on tha street like that.

I feel like this should come with a disclaimer


The things I say will probably offend you, or someone you know. You may not recognize the name of the person I'm talking about but yeah, I'm probably talking about you.Sometimes I think I lack that filter that most people have between their brain and their mouth. Maybe my blogs will be more tame though, since there's a longer journey from my brain down to my fingertips. We shall see...